Gender benders

Okay, so I am very late on my wrap-up of our California trip and I missed two SciFi Sundays. What the heck, it’s summer and I am still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I shall try to get to both this weekend.

In the meantime, please enjoy the following two items.

First, the Nine Phrases Women Use, a handy little guide to understanding women’s speech that my mom emailed me this afternoon. I have no idea what the original source is but it struck me very funny.  Hang around me long enough, you’ll definitely hear numbers 8 & 9.

(1) Fine:   This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:    If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:    This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:   This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:   This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.   (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay:   This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:   A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying F*** YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:  Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Item 2: Don’t miss Catherine Connor’s superb essay, Because You Haven’t Really Arrived As A Feminist Until You’ve Bitched About Being Condescended To By The New York Times. It is the best commentary, full stop, on the New York Times BlogHer article and its aftermath.

[tags] gender, BlogHer [/tags]